Shaken, Awakened
On this first day of Pride Month, I am proud to feature this rather extraordinary woman who, alongside her husband, has leaped into nearly every ‘pool’ Desert Stream offers. Subject to fears shared by all spouses and parents, she runs fast on trembling legs toward Jesus in the fires of life. Trusting Him makes her great. In her, Jesus has forged an attuned, truthful disciple.
This month, we at DSM will be praying daily for parents like this one and their LGBTQ-identified children. We reverence how Jesus refines these mothers and fathers through their children’s confusion. He is rousing such parents into an army of prophetic intercessors and healers!
If you are a parent who desires intercession for a family divided by LGBTQ+, please email Abbey at Afoard@desertstream.org. We will contend on our knees for you and your loved ones.
—Andrew Comiskey
When we learned about our son’s conception, my husband and I were thrilled. We began to pray and dream about the life of this little one. As a mother, I envisioned his future with joy while also developing expectations for his life.
As our son grew and matured in his teen years, he slowly began to drop hints of his struggle with same-sex attraction. I tried to listen to his heart but did not feel equipped to engage with him on the topic. I began to pray that his feelings would somehow resolve without me.
My Christian faith informed me that a same-sex relationship was not God’s highest good for my son or anyone. But my faith was not his. As my son leaned more and more into this identity, he felt convinced of his “gay” self and turned from his faith. Eventually, he moved in with his boyfriend and has settled into a same-sex relationship.
Their relationship bound me up in layers of grief and shame. Yes, I grieved his choices and the deception that held him. I also grieved the loss of my own dreams: that of his Christian marriage, many grandchildren, and the image of a perfect family. I was saddened to realize that the loss of my own dreams was as troubling as the grief I had for his choices.
I was burdened with shame that any child of mine would be in this situation; I feared what others might think. I also carried shame over my parental shortcomings that may have “caused” this. For about a year, grief and shame silenced me.
God has been generous in His provision. Years prior, my husband and I attended a Living Waters course at my church. We came for our own healing and became more integrated and merciful as a couple. We welcomed the clarity it brought regarding God’s plan for us as male and female: His complementary plan for the sexes. We also gained a perspective of God’s heart for those with sexual brokenness. We could apply this later in navigating our son’s struggle and choices.
As my son entered a same-sex relationship, we struggled with how to engage with him. Holding to our beliefs while loving and supporting him at times seemed impossible. Easy and obvious formulas failed. The church at times seemed confusing, or at least not that helpful.
I found much-needed support by attending the DSM-sponsored Oasis meetings. This group (both online and in person) serves parents of children with sexual confusion. We prayed for strength and grace and conversed on how to love our children well. A helpful book we studied — Clear Love for Confused Parents by Andrew Comiskey, Abigail Foard, and Dean Greer—focused our discussions.
I discovered that in order to love our children, we need to receive the full love of God for ourselves. Profoundly simple, that truth redirected my path and goals.
The Clear Love book also helped me address my burden of guilt. I could not shake the notion that I somehow caused this, or allowed this, or could have prevented it. This burden stole my hope and rendered me ashamed and hopeless. I was finally able to sort out and name the real guilt of my shortcomings as a parent and the false guilt that I carried. I needed to repent where necessary and relinquish the enemy’s lies as I recognized them. Bringing all of the past to Jesus was the only hope for the future. I let Him sort it out with His grace and mercy.
We realized that even though we felt helpless to bring our sons and daughters ‘home,’ they were never really lost to Jesus. They were never out of His sight. Their “rescue” was not up to us. We could only love them well while holding on to the truth. I had to relinquish my control of my son to Jesus and trust in His goodness and love for him. That release did not come easily. I must release him to Jesus daily.
Clear Love and the Oasis group have proved crucial to my emotional and spiritual well-being. As parents, we don’t always agree on the best application of our love for our children. What we do share is a place to offer our brokenness, and a place to grow and heal as our love is purified for our kids.
Ironically, my child’s brokenness invites me into greater wholeness. I now trust more fully in the compassion and care of the Father for myself and my son.
We are super excited to make Queered Out available to everyone for free starting this July. Thirteen amazing witnesses enliven eight videos that make clear: Jesus and friends set seekers free from homosexuality and free for full and fruitful lives. Enough about rainbow liberties. Jesus alone unlocks the captive heart.
Stay tuned for Queered Out. And please let others know. He is the way out!